Did you read part 1 of “Heartbreak in the Streets of Nairobi”? If you didn’t please click here to read it before reading part 2. If you have, let’s continue…
They say all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy and I can tell you for a fact that this was ‘not a dull Jack’. I did not agree with his lifestyle but I was a guest in his house so I couldn’t make any suggestions. My life was what you would call boring probably because my heart, body, and soul were still numb from the heartbreak. ‘Not a dull Jack’ invited his friends over severally expecting me to fall for or hook up with one of his friends and move on from my heartbreak. But I didn’t find any of them interesting. Matter of factly, I did not find anyone interesting. The part that entertained feelings was still numb and I hoped it would stay that way for a while. At least that way I wouldn’t feel the hurting.
A few weeks into this cohabiting and ‘Not a dull Jack’ wanted something in return. He wanted what all men before and after him want and he wasn’t the type to take no for an answer. One evening after a tough day in the office I didn’t feel like fighting him off so, he got what he desired. A few days later, he wanted more and more he got. I did not feel anything so I wondered why not? I confirmed that every part of me was numb and slowly drifted into a dark corner where I didn’t care anymore.
Things were not going well at work. My boss was a narcissist who believed that he was doing interns a favor by hiring them. I am very talented at what I do and I soon proved it to him. But like most narcissists, he remained oblivious of my talent. He also wanted what all men wanted. He had several tricks up his sleeves to aid his quest but I wasn’t going to let him for several reasons. First, he wasn’t my type, and second, I wasn’t looking to be the office slut.
Sensing this, he became even more aggressive by assigning me more work at the office making sure I’d be last to leave the office. While pretending to supervise my work during those late evenings, he would make inappropriate advances. I had ascertained that I was numb after my encounters with the ‘Not a dull Jack’ so what would I lose if one day I gave in to his advances? So, I did. Like all men before and after him, he wanted more but I wasn’t up for it. So, I tendered my resignation. Once is a mistake but repeating it creates a pattern and I wasn’t ready for such a pattern. At least not yet.
The heartbreak had broken me and I had allowed everything else to break my spirit. But if anyone cared or rather paid attention, they would have seen it and helped me. But no one did so I continued to drift into darkness. I couldn’t feel it (or so I believed) so I didn’t fight the darkness. Instead, I slowly walked down the rabbit hole.
Now that I wasn’t going to work and not ready to give ‘Not a dull Jack’ more of what he wanted, I had to pick my baggage and move along. I had opened up to one of my fellow female interns at work so I decided to confide in her. She asked me to move in with her in her one-bedroom apartment at Pangani. I had not saved enough to be independent and now that I did not have a job, my future and everything in it was uncertain.
I settled in and began searching for a job. But landing a job in Nairobi especially with nobody to back you up is challenging. I would surf the web every night seeking job opportunities and walk through the streets of Nairobi during the day to personally drop off my application letter and resume. I hoped that they would sense my determination or desperation and give me the job. But nobody did. For several weeks, I did this daily but got no response.
I gave up and decided to let fate take its course. Unlike ‘Not a dull Jack’, my new roommate expected me to chip in and sort some bills. But I had spent a significant percentage of my savings to fund my job-seeking expedition. I used the little I had left but it would only serve us for a few days. So, there I was with no money, no job, healing from a heartbreak, and a dark soul. At some point, I thought about calling my John Doe (the heartbreaker) and making amends. But despite my desperation, my overgrown ego couldn’t allow it. So, I decided to let it all go.
I spent most of my time sleeping since my host didn’t have a TV and I couldn’t afford any form of entertainment. Apparently, every form of entertainment cost money in the streets of Nairobi. I’d occasionally hang out with some neighbors but I was always coiled up in the darkest corner lost in thoughts. I thought that I had had it all, but I soon realized that the world wasn’t done with me yet.
My lady friend and host gradually began to change. She would come in the evening from work with her stomach full so there was no need to cook. Initially, I’d inquire and ask for a few coins to buy supper. Sensing the negative vibe, I slowly drifted to my dark corner grateful that I had a place to lay my head. The environment was slowly becoming toxic and I knew it was just a matter of time before she asked me to move out.
During one of the occasional hangouts with the neighbors, I could feel someone watching me. I fidgeted uncomfortably as I looked around and on the far end of the dull-lit corridor where we hanged out was a lady staring at me. There was something about her that I couldn’t quite get my finger around. She slowly walked to the corner where I sat clenching my knees to my chest. We made acquaintances and instantly clicked. There was an unexplainable good vibe between us.
I rarely talked to anyone but I instantly felt safe in her company. I remembered having felt this way once. When I had met John Doe a few days after joining campus. What did this mean? We became really close friends and hung out more often. I craved for a person I could open up to and here she was (let’s call her Jane Doe). Jane Doe was a good listener and didn’t judge me for what I had been through. Instead, she was always warm and her smile soothed my pain.
To me, she was just a friend I could talk to. But she didn’t see it that way. She was not like me and other girls. I should have seen the red flags but I had craved for a friend so badly, I was oblivious of reality when she came along. The same naivety that had caused my heartbreak would soon land me in a dilemma. Her interests were similar to those of ‘Not a dull Jack’ and she wanted what all men want, a piece of ‘the pie’.
The first time she made a move towards me was confusing and I remember pushing her away. I didn’t understand exactly what was happening probably because I thought that these things aren’t real. I had only heard rumors of girls who liked girls. In high school, I had been a typical nerd therefore unattractive to the outgoing groups where such things happened. But I soon learned that it’s common in the streets of Nairobi.
End of part 2
For part 3, click here.
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