How would you describe an attractive person? While I was growing up, the definition of attractive was simple. It was based on the person’s appearance; how elegantly they dressed, how majestic their walk was, or how their skin glowed under the moonlight. This is all in the past. There’s a new definition of attractive. How about I use a story to illustrate the difference between the new and old definition?
During my early teen years, I was head over heels for this girl in our neighborhood. She was very pretty but there was something else. She was what people often brand as ‘bad girls.” She had me wrapped around her pinky in what I later interpreted as an unhealthy relationship. Her dress code was naughty as you can guess, now that I talked about her being a bad girl. She must have been a year or so older than me which meant that she was mature. She had bigger curves compared to girls my age. That made her very attractive.
Despite being older than me, her perception of the world wasn’t mature. All she talked about was how badly she wanted to be my wife after we’d complete high school. Mind you I was fifteen years old but I entertained the thought anyways. You see, the old definition of attractive depended on who would warm your bed better. The person who would submit to you without question. One who would make a finer wife. And she was the one for me because I found her physically attractive.
She captivated me often causing an emotional eruption in all the wrong places if you know what I mean. As a young boy who knew little about life, my definition of an attractive girl solely depended on her curves and dress code. How much skin she exposed. It was based on what I could see. I’m pretty sure that was the perception of most people in the twentieth century. That is the old definition of an attractive person as I have come to learn over the past few years of adulthood.
But this had changed especially in the twenty-first century. People often find maturity attractive. There’s more to maturity than the age factor. Maturity, in this case, comprises mental, emotional, and physical aspects. When I was old enough to find a fiancée, I focused on their maturity based on these factors. For instance, a mature person is one you can set goals with and persistently work towards these goals. I wanted a person I can reason with and expect to make decisions. Traditionally, a person was attractive depending on their physical appearance and other factors were often disregarded. The new definition of attraction focuses on their emotional, psychological and mental maturity as well. How well does a person handle their emotions when psychological judgment is needed? These are among the small things that have evolved with the evolution of the centuries.
Focus and ambition are attractive. These are two factors I thought would never matter when seeking an attractive person. Yet they are crucial. You see, a large percentage of the population still believes that attractive people are who seem to have everything figured out. But this is not always the case. Some people out here are doing their best aiming to build empires to their names but their stars haven’t aligned. However, they still maintain their focus on the goal and ambition to continue chasing their destiny.
Focus and ambition both make a person very attractive. Irrespective of their looks or physical appearance, focused and ambitious people are attractive. They emanate some kind of aura that makes you drool and hang on to every word they utter. Once you hang around focused and ambitious people, I have a feeling that you will never settle for less. Just try it and get back to me. I now want a focused and ambitious lady with whom I can build a home.
Very few people know what they want. I strongly believe that this is the reason why we have so many unsuccessful people with great potential, the fact that they don’t know what they want. Each time anyone asks me to mentor them, my first question is always, “what do you want?” Depending on how you answer this question, I decide on whether to take you under my wing or dismiss you. If someone doesn’t know what they want, they will easily drag you down because they lack focus, and lack of focus means lack of certainty which guarantees failure. That is not attractive. But knowing what you want in life is very attractive because you don’t waste people’s time figuring out what you want.
It is very easy to help people who know what they want. Think of it this way. Someone wants to get from point A to point B. It will be easy to get them there. Now think about a person who wants to get from point A but doesn’t know where they are headed. They are very likely to walk around in circles using up time and energy that would have been used to do something constructive. That’s not a person I’d consider attractive. Attractive people are organized and know what they want.
We are attracted to elegance. The major change is that instead of being attracted to physical elegance, we are now appreciating and being attracted to more sophisticated aspects such as personality, way of thinking, and morals among other key attributes that define people. Rather than perceiving women as just reproductive cases, we think of them as life partners. Rather than perceiving men as shields to problems/challenges and protectors we think of them as life partners as well.
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