“Do you feel the pressure, I mean the pressure that the club has invested a lot of pounds and yet the Champions League remains a far-fetched dream at this club. It is like you have changed nothing”, asks a journalist at a post-match press conference after another Champions League exit.

And it is at that moment that Pep Guardiola glances in the sky and recounts all the memories of his managerial career. There he was a rookie tasked with handling a talented Barca side; that side is probably the best of this generation, he then remembers of his times at Bayern; where he changed tradition and now at Man City and yet somehow they still doubt him and go to extreme to say he only succeeds where it is “impossible to fail”. This is what he wanted to say but could not gather the courage to form the words.
First of all, stop putting me at some League 1 club for ten years in those your stupid Football Manager experiments-I am really sick of it. I wonder why it’s only me you do this to. Try with your favorite Jurgen and let us see what he will moan about there. Or probably Jose, my supposed adversary, guy wouldn’t even make Top Four with Tottenham and lost juice 20 years ago and yet I’m supposed to be the scapegoat, it’s ridiculous!

My trophy cabinet speaks for itself; I have won everything there is to win-Mark you the CL twiiiice! And I won playing like Arsene not Bloody Sean Dyche.Tell me who between me and Arsenal-and I mean seriously the whole club is a pretender. But you will call me that anyway. Don’t even get me started on this joke that you have that I don’t bring young players through, absolute shenanigans. You are talking about a guy a whole generation of La Masia midfielders were taught to emulate. Trust me when I say that young Barca side of 2009-2012 would be nothing without me. I know clueless tabloids are already saying it was all Messi; well Poch was afforded the opportunity and look how Great it turned it{smiles in disgust}.Yeah… yeah… he hasn’t clicked and other stories but ill bet you my salary he will never get him to score just half of the 92 goals he scored with me during a calendar year. It seems biased English media forget what I’ve done to Phil-fully coached to maturity,Stonsy is an elite CB now; who might be responsible? And quit pretending, you all know Raheem was your best player at The Euros.
Honestly, who in this world would think of playing inverted full backs to create midfield cover for advancing midfielders? Jose doesn’t even seem to comprehend the idea that you can’t play with a flat back four of Central defenders. Turning Messi into a false nine was a gift to the world that I will not take credit for. I don’t get much credit for tinkering with that Bayern attack and finding an optimum solution for all the attackers. That is what we call genius.

Oh yeah, about the money, I have no tight explanation for that. The Godfather Sir Alex didn’t have one either for consistently overspending more than other average teams but at that time you criticized Arsene for being stingy. What double standards are those? I really respect Sir Alex but I doubt with his tactical cluelessness he would even finish in European places with my city side. A side that you assume I have failed to impress. But I won’t reply to that my 3 league titles in 4 years and 4 consecutive Carabao cup glories will do the talk for me.Come to think of it my net spend is just over The Neighbors by maybe a Paul Pogba and a Harry Maguire. Should we add them other two?. OH sorry to Garry Neville who is “still curious to see what Pogba can do”. That boat already sailed. This spending also has to be coupled by wise decision-making. Tell me a player that has flopped at City? Forget that, it is too contentious. Let’s look at the pillars of my team over these years: Kompany,David,Aguero,De Bruyne, Sterling and Fernandinho are not my direct signings. That explains a lot.

And before I forget, these” traditional” fans who hammer me on twitter threads, accept that the oil money has ruined your beautiful game. Oligarchs are preying everywhere and very soon the game will change and you have to adapt or perish. Forget about those cold nights in Stoke. Before I leave, I promise to give any manager who reaches 100 points all the medals of my career. I know I’m keeping my medal though.
But he rather not say all of these and with a face of regret he looks into the camera and says
“it is what football at this level is all about”
Then he heads for the tunnel while applauding the fans at Emptyhad: most of who were never even there in the first place.
Then he heads for the tunnel while applauding the fans: most of who were never even there in the first place.

By Ansias

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