prety shade of dark

I am a depressed man, I post my experiences everyday here. Link to the first episode

I know today is not Monday but I was fine then . I couldn’t write anything because that would be deceit. It was also the mental health awareness day so i let myself learn before posting today. My depression is seasonal just like most of you but that is a story for another day so I’ll get on with today’s episode

Today I just want to ask the essential questions. What needs to be better? Why are we in this place?. Until we understand that we will not run away from mental health issues.

Why does the world have to be this cruel? All depressed people are because of the world. The root of the problem is in everything good and everything bad that the world offers. The bad is bad obviously but the good is also bad unfortunately. The world has put emphasis on essentials we cannot meet I mean what never happens on social media nowadays? But that is where we are running from right?

Why don’t you believe I have a struggle going on in my brain? If you were in this condition you would have understood that faking it is unnecessary. When you feel it eventually you will wish you knew. You would contemplate suicide like most people in our condition have.

Why can’t I just come out and say I’m depressed without being ridiculed? I am not weak neither do I want your sympathy. I am just concerned that my mind is not functioning well.

It is the world that gives out cheats. Nowadays there are false mental health champions. What shall it benefit you to benefit from the misery of others? You show no comfort and your action to others lead them back to this road. But the organizations you work for give you funding-for the course, Right?

I blame the world that it’s always silent when we die. People go through their normal businesses without considering the silent one. Or considering the one that has locked themselves away in their house for days. Is it too much to ask for attention?

The world is silent when the depressed die


The world should give me opportunities like it gives other people. Why should I be a graduate with no job? Do you think I will be sane with all the pressure?. The world gives us expectations and responsibilities we cannot bear and expect us to just be fine.  What’s the point of living anymore?. The beauty of life is always wanting to see tomorrow. What happens when I don’t want to see it?

The world will always help us when we are already dead. But what were you doing when we were dying? You mocked us and called us all manner of names. Now you show up at my funeral bearing testimonies. When I needed you you abandoned me. What am I supposed to do? Marvel at your support in my casket?

I am too emotional to write about sentences that make sense. I have found myself writing this poem:

                       The world is silent when we die

                       Emotions always stir then we cry

                       Nobody is ready to save us from this mess

                       To the society-

                       We are just the weak and childish,

                       The numb and queer, But

                       The world will be loud when we eventually DIE

Lets meet next week, I hope all of you will still be here- I am not counting on any of you being fine though.

By Ansias

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